Sometimes You Just Don’t Expect It

So many unexpected things happened last week. It felt like I was standing on a pedestal and someone chopped it down and I fell a long way to the ground. My hair was flying wildly in the wind on the way down. My hands clenched the sand and I sobbed and sobbed. My heart hurt and my stomach had a tight knot.

A knot of grief and of sadness and of PAIN.

It’s OK. I keep telling my self that it’s OK and everything will work out.

I stare at my face in the mirror and I see a girl who learns more about life everyday. Isn’t it amazing what each day brings? What lessons we learn and how stronger we become by enduring.

Our dog passed away suddenly. He got sick. No one could figure out what was wrong with him until it was too late. I watched him get sicker and weaker. I stayed up with him each night and tried to comfort him. I told him it would be alright. His gentle brown eyes looked into mine and I knew he was dying.  He whined and whined. We found out there was nothing we could do for him. We drove him to the vet and had him put down. I just sobbed and sobbed. He was so gentle with our kids. He was so obedient. He was with me when I locked myself out of the house and with me every lonely night, with me when I brought the groceries in, with me when I went to get the mail, with me on my runs, with me every second of every day and now he is gone.

My poor Lena. 7 is a hard age, She is  beginning to separate fantasy from reality. She understood death. She understood that Rambo was never coming back. Watching her cry was the hardest.

She took a jar and filled it with water and glitter and on the top she wrote, “Rambo died today” and on the out side she wrote “we will miss our little buddy” She taped his ball on top and another one of his toys to it. She carried it around constantly and when she missed him she would shake it so the glitter would dance around. She sleeps with it.

An unexpected letter in the mail also changed my week. Many of you have read the story of my attack. If not HERE it is. The letter forced me to ask myself questions that I didn’t want to. It make me re-live events. The letter is still sitting downstairs on the counter and It feels like it is hoovering over my head and it won’t disappear. The letter informed me that the man who attacked me is getting out of jail. I am advised to write a statement. The feelings and thoughts sink deep into me.

But I’m never going to break. I can sit here right now and tell you that these unexpected moments will pass and instead of dwelling and filling myself with sadness and negativity I am going to turn my head. I will look in a new direction and I will focus on things that make me happy. There is always someone else out there that is suffering more than I am. I can find someone and offer my hand to them. I can look at my sweet children and spend my day with them smiling and laughing. I can be grateful for my life and for my husband who I am madly in love with. I will pray and find comfort and allow my children to see this.

So sorry for writing this post above a wedding, but this is my life and these are my feelings that need to be shared. Please savor the pictures and understand that David and Lindsay’s wedding day was filled with SO MUCH LOVE. My heart wanted to sing out when I watched the two birds kiss for the first time as husband and wife. It was a perfect kiss, because she was glowing and so was he. Everything paused when they kissed, and their smiles said more than anything I could ever write. They started out on opposite sides of the country and ended up together! It’s much more romantic when love finds itself from far away. It’s so romantic how they were both brave enough to take such a giant step and embrace marriage. I admire their strength in making this decision. It’s not an easy one to make today.  They will start their own story and begin their own tale of love, life and happiness.

A few credits to give:

Vendor: The Georgetown Stables

Cake: Borracchini’s Bakery

Catering: Two Tartes Catering

Florist: Hansen’s Florist



  1. JillW wrote:

    Kali, I’m sorry about your horrible, awful, no good,very bad day. Give sweet little Lena an extra squeeze from us.
    All that hurt means something. It means we are alive and have the great blessing of being able to love. You are one of the strongest girls I know. Heavenly Father will help you to get through all of the things you are dealing with. Please know that there are a lot of people who love the beautiful girl that you are and the beautiful things you help us to see.

  2. Rae wrote:

    Kali, I know I said it on instragram but I am so so sorry about Rambo. I can’t imagine.
    As for the letter, ugh. Awful. I am wishing the best for you and hope you’ll be comforted at this time.

  3. robin marie wrote:

    Kali I’m sorry things have been so rough. Good luck with your statement. I can’t even imagine how hard that’d be!

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