It can’t be ignored

I wrote this yesterday. I jotted down my thoughts about the State Trooper who died.

It’s ok to be REAL. Its ok to have a bad day.  I looked down in the shower and saw my black toe nail polish. It was chipping off in some places. It reminded me of the funeral that would be going on today. The funeral that both my husband and I decided we would rather not attend. TOO difficult, too sad. MUCH TOO SAD. Those kind of funerals are hard for me to attend. I feel like I can relate in some way to them. I feel like they are victims like I was, except the outcome was different. They make me question WHY? Why would someone do something so awful. HOW? What possessed this person. I am heart broken for the families, friends and all the other officers who have to witness this. We turned on the TV and watched the funeral. We learned more about the trooper who was killed. More about his family about how he spent his life serving his country and his community. I learned more than I wanted to. The more I learned the more it hurt.

I wanted to shun away from it all. I’m young, my husband has been a police officer a little over 3 years. Seven seems like seven million! Seven officers have died. Many young, most with children. The pain stays for a while but it’s lifted. I am filled with comfort. Comfort that is coming from somewhere beyond my control. I feel warm and happy. I see the outpouring of support for this officer. I see the funeral hall FULL. These are GOOD PEOPLE. My thoughts begin to change. He died honorably. He will be reunited with his family again. I know my husband will be kept safe. I should be scared and afraid but I am not. I KNOW that I am blessed with comfort. I am blessed because I have a Heavenly Father who loves ME and I can’t ignore that.

I took the pictures below at the street memorial for Tim Brenton (taken in 2009)