I am a Rape Victim-Here is MY story

Sometimes I wish I could pretend it never happened. It wasn’t a scene from a movie I saw, it was and still is my real life and it happened to me. I was younger than I am now. I feel wiser, stronger, a little more faithful. Lena was only a year old, her hair was out of control and I dressed her in old navy pant overalls over a little pink tee. I looked out the window and the sun was peering in! It was a gorgeous summer day in August. I was trying to get into shape, I had been running a couple times a week around a nearby high school track and I was bored of the ugly scenery. I asked my husband and several other people if Soos Creek Trail was safe. Everyone reassured me that the trail was fine.

The morning had come and gone, I kept myself busy doing the daily baby tasks; feeding changing and picking up toys. I had probably baked my little hearts content out. I was ready to get out. My husband was going to be home late. There were several forest fires and my father in laws excavating company had been asked to help. He was working hours away. I had to take advantage of the sunshine. I changed into my work out gear, grabbed my sunglasses, water bottle, keys, laced up my shoes, drove to the trail and parked at the entrance. I strapped Lena in the running stroller and off we went. I’d never been on Soos creek trail so my game plane was to run in a few miles, turn around and run back to where I was parked. As I started my run I noticed a man sitting on a log bench. He was wearing sunglasses. Several thoughts passed through my head about him. First, I wondered what he was doing sitting there. Why wasn’t he working out or walking like everyone else. But with ease I was able to answer my own questions with optimistic answers like, maybe he is just enjoying the peace and quite, he looks normal, he looks nice, he is dressed well, clean cut.

hat would be one of the last times in my life that I would ever brush off something suspicious.

I had run into the trail, maybe two miles, I turned around and was heading back to my car. As I was making my way back I saw the back of that same man. He was walking, same as me, back to the entrance of the trail it seemed.

From this point on my memory became photographic, every last detail is imprinted.

His head was shaved, he was wearing a white thermal, cargo shorts and tennis shoes and had some kind of Chinese writing tattoo on the back of his right calf. I thought it was odd that his hands grabbed the cuff of his sleeve, like he was hiding something. His gait almost had a rhythm to it, and he was walking very slowly. I was walking on the left side of the trail and he was on the right. As I came closer a sense of doom struck me. It was like a fog had surrounded me.  Scenarios began arising in my head. I knew something wasn’t right, I knew I was in DANGER. But I knew the trail was ending soon and my car was not too far from me. I tried brushing off the feeling, I tried making my self feel ok, I kept jogging, I jogged quicker in hopes to pass, and then, I heard foot steps, they sounded like bombs. Each step was like an explosion because I knew they were coming right for me. In a matter of seconds that man had his arm around my neck and a knife to my head. He grabbed me so hard that he managed to tip the running stroller over. Lena was dangling in the stroller, held in only by the straps.  Time stopped. I can remember each thought and each second because it felt like hours. It didn’t matter that he was chocking me and a knife blade was shoved against me. I worried about Lena. Motherly instincts are SO strong. I HAD to make sure she was ok. She was red faced and screaming. I begged, no DEMANDED that I get my baby.  He released the head lock,  but kept the knife close and allowed me time enough just to get her out of the stroller and then he grabbed me again, arm around my neck and forcefully pulled me off the trail and into the woods. If I pulled away he just tightened his arm around my throat. So many thoughts raced through my mind. I was trying to think things through, trying to figure out a game plane.

Then I remembered to PRAY.

I said a prayer in my mind with the strength that is equal to every prayer I have ever said. I prayed for our safety and that prayer never left my heart.  I noticed he kept watching his surroundings. I could tell he was nervous. There were a lot of people on the trail that day. Someone would walk by sooner or later. I spoke to him. I said, “Are you sure you want to do this” I said it calmly. I repeated my self several times. He told me to “shut up” he told me to “keep the baby quite”  He dragged me further into the woods. I KNEW the further away from the trail I got the more serious the situation was for me. The thought embraced my mind, “he wants to kill me,” I was now at the point where I had to start thinking of an escape. There was a FLASH in my mind. You know the saying, “my life flashed before my eyes” IT’S TRUE. Your entire life can flash before your eyes. I soaked it all in, I didn’t want to give it up. There was so much on the line, so much to LIVE for. I was so young I wasn’t ready to die. It was like my entire life was on film and someone was fast forwarding it for me to see and I had time to watch it because time was frozen. Then we stopped moving and he yanked his pants down and then my pants down. I was almost a little relieved because I knew he wanted something else before killing me or maybe that is all he wanted. Either way I felt like it bought me time to escape. Then he told me over and over to get down on the ground. He wanted my face on the ground. As soon as he released his arm from me to allow me to lay on the ground I took off running back to the trail as fast as I could. I screamed “help” and with in seconds there was a group of people surrounding me concerned for my well being. I was in tears and could hardly explain what happened. I muttered out that “he tried to rape me” My whole body was shaking. I had fear surging through my body. I only wanted one person to be with me, my husband. I would feel safe with him near, I would be able to cry in his arms.

I ONLY wanted him.

Then next few hours were difficult because I didn’t have him. He was working so far away that he couldn’t even get cell phone service. There wasn’t anyway to get a hold of him. None of my family was there, they all live in California. My husband and I were only living there for the summer, we weren’t established, hardly knew anyone. I called my Mom, I don’t remember how long she stayed on the phone with me but I’m sure it was a while. Hearing her voice was comforting. It was hours before my husband was able to see me, and when he did a weight was lifted. I just wanted him to stay right by my side, I didn’t want to go even a few feet from him. I wish I could end the story here. I could say how grateful I was to be unharmed, how things could have been much worse and that after this I went back to life as normal.

I WAS grateful to be alive and safe. SO very very thankful for another chance at LIFE. But the story can’t end here.

I  was far from recovered. I had to figure out how to live life and how to deal with FEAR and NIGHTMARES. I had to learn how submit to my heavenly father.  I had to HOPE and TRUST like I never had before. I had to understand that I wouldn’t be healed overnight and it would be through baby steps. I had to pray A LOT. I had to hold on tight to the thought that I would come out on the other end of this trial. Patience, prayer and faith, did lead me to recovery. I remember so well, the first day when I could say to my self, “i went all day with out reliving it” I remember the first time I was able to go somewhere by myself. Anxiety would and forever be a symptom of my tragic event. I would and still must learn to deal with it. BUT NOT ALONE. NEVER ALONE. WE are never ALONE. We ALL have HIM to help us through our struggles. This experience changed me. I learned valuable lessons. I do believe my prayers were answered that day and I also believe that my prayers are continued to be answered. I have heard so many stories of other victims with many sad outcomes as they are unable to function normally in society. I KNOW that my heavenly father loves me  and I don’t believe it was a coincidence that I read THIS article the night before my experience to help better prepare me for recovery.  What ever adversity we face, what ever bump in the road we hit, we NEED NOT BE AFRAID.



34 Comments

  1. April Wells wrote:

    You are an inspiration to all women. Thank you for sharing your story. Through love, hope, courage, and faith anything is possible.

  2. I am in awe of your strength and your courage in the face of danger. Your decision to run was exactly right and you were blessed to escape. It’s interesting how the promptings of danger had been there earlier when you first arrived.
    Thank you for sharing your experience. It is a privilege to know you and your family.

  3. Kacy wrote:

    Kali, While I read I cried for the fear and pain you felt and I rejoiced in your ability to overcome it all. I sometimes dismiss the little promptings I receive as me just being overly cautious. I am resolving here and now to listen more intently. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are so amazing.
    ~Kacy

  4. Jamie King wrote:

    Thank you for sharing. It is amazing how we can heal when we turn to the Lord.

  5. Kali I am shocked. This story is so incredibly scary. I don’t even know what I would have done, especially with my little baby right there. I am so grateful you were protected and able to get to safety both in the moment and after!

  6. natalie smith wrote:

    You are a wonderful example of faith and courage. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing us to know you and something so personal that make you – you! I am so sorry you had to expereince this….but look how far you have come!

  7. cassie wrote:

    that made me cry

  8. Cari Berry wrote:

    You are a brave and beautiful soul Kali. Praise God for rescuing you from this evil man, who would attack a mother with her baby. I’m so sorry you went through this. Prayers for continued recovery for you….

  9. Beth wrote:

    This story simultaneously breaks and heals my heart. I’m so sorry you experienced such an event. And I’m so grateful for your example of faith. I know that as you continue to heal, you will help others heal. Thanks for sharing. *B

  10. robs wrote:

    what an incredibly scary and horrific event. thank you for sharing your story.

  11. Brea Bursch wrote:

    You are very brave to share your story in such an eloquent, personal manner.

    You aren’t alone.

  12. Paige wrote:

    Wow, I had no idea. I am sitting here rethinking my every move from here on out. I can’t even imagine going thru this. It sounds like you did everything perfect in this horrible situation. Thanks for sharing.

  13. Melani Verner wrote:

    Wow Kali! I am so saddened that such a horrific thing happened to you! I am so impressed at your vulnerability. You are a strong, amazing woman. Thank you for sharing.

  14. Jessica wrote:

    Kali,

    You are so inspiring for writing this and letting your feelings out. Thank you so much for sharing and letting us see how you’ve become an even better person. I know others who have struggled as you’ve mentioned not being able to get over something as traumatic as this. I am thankful you are my friend and I completely support you!

    xoxo -Jess

  15. Heather wrote:

    Kali!!!!!! What the heck?! I’m soooooo sorry that you had to go through this!! You are a strong, amazing woman! thank you for sharing this. Xxoo

  16. Heather wrote:

    When you told me this happened to you, I felt sick inside. Reading this today has made me cry. You are a beautiful, strong person and I appreciate you sharing your testimony of prayer and how your prayers were answered.

  17. Ashley S. wrote:

    I was captivated by your story. Thank you for sharing your story and your faith. I am so glad you got away from him.

  18. Ashley S. wrote:

    P.S. Beautiful photo of you.

  19. Rachel wrote:

    Wow Kali. I am so sorry this happened to you but I am so grateful you had the courage to fight. I am so thankful you are okay, and hope as time continues to go on you will be completely healed.
    Thank you for being so brave in sharing this. I love you!!

  20. Jodee wrote:

    You are so brave. Many will gain strength from your story. I know I have.

  21. Maggie wrote:

    Wow! This drudges up memories of being robbed during my mission. It was the middle of a sunny day and even though it’s been over 10 years since then, I still at times get anxiety. You shared this story so beautifully and I hope that many are inspired by it.

  22. Kailey wrote:

    Kali,
    Thank you for having such courage to share your story. You are an amazing example of strength and your faith in our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is unwavering.

  23. jennylee wrote:

    You are incredible, Kali. You are so incredibly brave for sharing your story. You’re an amazingly strong woman, from whom I’ve learned much!

  24. Rochelle wrote:

    Kali–I read your story yesterday and then re-read it again today. I am so amazed by your strength, ability to overcome and endure through this seemingly impossible trial. Thank you for sharing your story, whereby we all gain strength knowing that individuals can overcome even the toughest of situations. You are one tough person…and you will always know that about yourself now.

  25. Erin Brooks wrote:

    Kali-
    I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face that you had to go through something so utterly terrifying. The fact that it happened not only to you, but that your baby had to be there is heart-wrenching. I’m in awe of your strength and courage to remain calm enough to think clearly and get yourself and your baby out of that situation, and also at your ability to recover and become stronger, rather than let it take over your life and paralyze you with fear. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding us that it’s important to trust our intuition–it’s a God-given gift and no matter how silly we may feel, we don’t have to brush off those feelings and we don’t owe any kind of explanation or politeness to strangers when we feel threatened. You continue to inspire me with your sweetness, talent, faith and your amazing strength.

  26. Amber wrote:

    Your story has brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing
    ((((hugs))))

  27. Angie Wilcox wrote:

    Oh my gosh, Kali! What a horrific thing for you and Lena to have to go through. I can’t even imagine. No wonder Jake wanted to become a police officer to keep creeps like this off the streets and trails. You are an amazingly strong woman and I think that so many of us can learn from your testimony of faith and healing.

  28. MaryClaire wrote:

    Kali–your courage is beyond measure. not only your courage to endure and recover and continue to recover from such a horrific experience but to share it. thank you!

  29. Kara wrote:

    Kali~ your are truly an amazing and strong woman. I’m so grateful for your strength to endure are your wisdom to share your story. Thank you for being you!

  30. Milagros wrote:

    Kali-
    Thank you for sharing your story. You’re
    faith and courage is inspiring! Bad things happen to good people,
    more often then what we think-your story is so very sad-
    but how you’ve move forward with faith and patience is
    truly inspiring and will help so many people find hope
    and trust in our Savior.

  31. Stephan wrote:

    Hey Kali,

    That´s really sad, what happend to you. What kind of “men” are such people?!
    I´m so glad, that our Lord in heaven answered your prayer and that you got rescued, from this terrible situation. I want to give you thanks for sharing your story, too. I think you needed much power to your story, didn´t you? You left me with really high respect. But not only thanks for that. Special thanks for your great couraged confession, too.

    Best wishes and GOD´S blessing for you and your familie.

    Stephan

  32. Maya wrote:

    Hello
    I want to share my story I have dark secret of my life for 32 years. I am 40 now and I need to talk to someone to open up my secret.

    Thanks
    Maya

  33. Alexis wrote:

    Hi, my name is Alexis Bergstrom, I’m 18 years old and I was rapped by a man and his wife and just found out today (November 16th 2016 that after pressing charges and trying to get my case pushed that nothing is going to be done. I’m a Christian, but now feeling left in the dust by God..my heart is beyond broken. The cops don’t believe me. I feel I have nothing left and I just want to give up.

  34. Name * wrote:

    Hi

    You are very special